Picture Credits : Ben White

In relationships, gaslighting occurs when one partner flat out denies the reality of their significant other. In the case of narcissistic partners, this means that they flat out deny the reality of their partners, which can lead to major damage to their self-esteem and emotional well-being. Here’s what you need to know about gaslighting in narcissistic relationships and how to get help if you or someone you love is experiencing it.

Here comes the gaslighting. He’s attempting to make me feel crazy for being scared, even though my fear is more than warranted.

Colleen Hoover

Gaslighting, sometimes referred to as emotional abuse, can be difficult to define and even more difficult to spot. The root of the word gaslighting comes from the 1944 film Gaslight where actor Charles Boyer plays the role of a manipulative husband who psychologically manipulates his wife into thinking she’s going insane through small manipulations in their environment.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Gaslighting may simply be overt denial done in such a way that it causes confusion and self-doubt. In severe cases, it can make victims question whether they are imagining things that did not actually happen.

Am I Being Gaslighted?

It can be very easy to gaslight yourself when you are a victim of narcissistic abuse.Psychologist Dr. Robin Stern describes gaslighting as an insidious form of emotional abuse where false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own perceptions.

Your gaslighting Partner may be frequently saying this to avoid any confrontation from you;

You are Over-Reacting !
You are too sensitive !
You are too Insecure !
You are being Jealous !
It was just a Joke !
It is all in your head !
You may have Heard it wrong !

You might think that it wouldn’t be hard to spot signs of narcissism or identify toxic behaviors by an abuser, but often we minimize or deny what we’re experiencing until it has become devastatingly clear that something is wrong.

Why We Stay in Emotionally Abusive Situations

If you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, it may feel like leaving is impossible. But there are many reasons why someone stays, and leaving doesn’t have to be as difficult as you think. And remember: mental health is important for a happy life, regardless of whether or not you stay with your partner!Even if they’re your family member or friend, there are many reasons people stay in these situations, from low self-esteem to shame to love.

Normalisation of abuse by the society that you are living in.
For the sake of your children.
No financial freedom or independence to support oneself
Fear of being alone.
Fear of being ostracized by your community, family or friends.
Fear of the abuser coming after you if you leave.

Though it might seem hard at first, choosing to leave is far better than staying and enduring abuse for another day. Once you make that choice for yourself, you’ll likely feel empowered and motivated to stick with it.

How to Move Forward

While we all have moments of selfishness and self-absorption, being gaslighted means you’re regularly manipulated by someone else. It can be really difficult to move forward from that—especially if you continue seeing your abuser on a regular basis—but there are ways to make it easier. First, get to know yourself again. In order to avoid letting someone else make decisions for you, you need to become comfortable with making your own decisions again.

For example, remember what it was like to choose what movie you wanted to see or where you wanted to eat dinner without looking at your partner for approval first? Start making those choices for yourself again and watch how good it feels! Eventually, you’ll feel more secure in yourself than ever before.