A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.
Christopher K. Germer
The First step to improving your emotional intelligence quotient is by being able to identify what exactly you are feeling. There are number of emotions that fall pretty close on the spectrum of emotions. And the way these words are used in colloquial language or even in the media kind of mix up these words. Same is the case with shame and guilt. Neither do we realize the difference in their meaning nor in the emotions itself. So, We bring you the definitions and differences between shame and guilt so that you can handle these emotions better when you have to.
Definitions
According to APA;
Shame is a highly unpleasant self-conscious emotion arising from the sense of there being something dishonorable, immodest, or indecorous in one’s own conduct or circumstances.
Guilt is a self-conscious emotion characterized by a painful appraisal of having done (or thought) something that is wrong and often by a readiness to take action designed to undo or mitigate this wrong.
Though people tend to use shame and guilt interchangeably, guilt is distinct from shame, in which there is the additional strong fear of one’s deeds being publicly exposed to judgment or ridicule.
Causes
Shame can build up in a child who is as young as a fifteen month old. In order to teach a child appropriate behavior, usually they are reprimanded and scolded for their actions. Those actions can be quite organic for a baby but might not be appropriate for the situation they are in. In such scenarios if they do not have someone (parents/older siblings/ grandparents )guiding and assuring them that what they feel is perfectly normal and valid, the shame induced in them mixes up with the frustration of being misunderstood and anger which will inadvertently lead to low self-confidence or complete lack of it, feeling lonely and feeling defective in every aspect of their future life
Guilt can be felt for multiple reasons; Guilt for something you did, Guilt for something you didn’t do, but want to, Guilt for something you think you did, Guilt that you didn’t do enough to help someone or Guilt that you’re doing better than someone else. Feeling guilt when you have truly caused either physical or psychological harm to others is a positive one. This type of guilt propels you towards apologizing and not repeating the same act in the future. Whereas, other causes of guilt might be more negative for your well being.
Differences
Before you seek forgiveness from others to cope with guilt or seek help to deal with shame, Try Self – Forgiveness. It is important that you understand what you are feeling, why you are feeling and what you can do about it. This understanding will give you an opportunity to come to terms with yourself, self-forgive and ultimately cope with your emotions.